Kelly and Brooke could have gone a few different ways with this week’s topic, but they decided to focus on giving up on bad things. Specifically, how to do it and when to know it’s time.
There are a few parts at play in giving up on the negative things in our lives. Firstly, we need to figure out what they actually are. And while some are obvious (bad relationships, unhealthy habits) others are very ingrained into our daily behaviours and may not even seem negative to begin with.
Kelly and Brooke talk about the ways in which they’ve identified negative things in their lives, and the roadblocks we often throw up in our own way in order to stay in the comfort zone (regardless of how uncomfortable it actually is).
They then talk about some of the negative things they’ve given up over the years, if it was difficult (it was) and why they think it’s tough to give up on things we understand to be negative in the first place.
At its core, many of these changes come back to awareness. That is, paying attention to how different elements of our lives are making us feel, and then having enough understanding of ourselves, our motivations and our actions to know how to start moving away from the negative.
Kelly is often credited as being a highly disciplined person, but lately has been wondering – is discipline over-rated?
While it may well be true that Kel is a disciplined person, Brooke has never been accused of the same thing and has spent many years telling herself that it’s just who she is.
But as the girls chat it through, it becomes clear that discipline can mean many different things and while it’s now synonymous with a highly routine, spreadsheet-wielding way of getting through the day, it actually doesn’t need to be such a rigid thing. And once that becomes clear Brooke starts to see she may just be more disciplined than she thought.
This is specifically tied to the idea that a disciplined person makes getting things done look easy, but it’s the getting things done that matters. It’s often still ugly or hard or not a whole heap of fun, but discipline is what causes the gears to turn regardless, and this is a big mindset shift away from the idea of there being ‘disciplined people’ and ‘undisciplined people’.
Of course, it ties very closely to the notion of habits and willpower too, and as a self-confessed habit junkie, Kel talks about the ways discipline can lead to habit building and vice versa.
Such an interesting chat about the systems and beliefs that essentially drive both Kel and Brooke to action every day.
One of the most common ideas Brooke and Kelly talk about on Let It Be is the importance of self-awareness, and why a high level of self-awareness makes the goal of “less doing and more being” a much simpler one to work towards.
What does it actually mean to be self-aware, though? And if one isn’t a self-aware person, how can they possibly work to improve their level of awareness?
Brooke believes that all self-improvement stems from self-awareness and in this episode talks about her own understanding of self. She looks at her experience in mindless living – the years where she was the exact opposite of self-aware. She also shares how she began moving away from this mindlessness, with slow steps towards paying attention, and how the gradual emergence of her own awareness has changed virtually everything in her life in the years since.
Kelly also talks about the importance of self-reflection and why cultivating a network of people who you can rely on for feedback as you begin developing your self-awareness is such an important part of the process.
As is often the case, Brooke and Kel also come back to the idea of being OK with discomfort throughout the process of becoming self-aware. It often brings to light elements of ourselves, our behaviour and our choices that make us uncomfortable. But instead of giving into that discomfort, both Kel and Brooke encourage that we embrace it because on the other side of discomfort is growth.
Links mentioned in today’s episode
- Carol Dweck’s book: Mindset
In this week’s episode Brooke and Kelly tackle the issue of overwhelm – what causes it, how can we combat it, and what can we do to avoid it in the future?
You know that overwhelmed feeling. The one where everything feels too big, too complex, too hard, too much. It’s a feeling that everyone has experienced on the odd occasion and today Kelly and Brooke talk about how they deal with it.
In an ideal world we would head this feeling off before it became a big issue, but so often we find ourselves doing the opposite – avoiding the problem and focusing on busy-work instead. Kelly shares a recent experience of this kind of self-sabotage and Brooke shares how gardening becomes her go-to avoidance technique when she’s feeling overwhelmed.
But instead of giving in to procrastination, how can we avoid or minimize overwhelm in the first place? Brooke and Kelly both have some really practical strategies that will stop that spiraling feeling in its tracks, as well as some encouragement to simply accept that life sometimes happens that way.
They also talk about what causes this overwhelm in the first place – ego, expectations, obligations, a lack of realistic time management – and why it’s so important to begin to recognize those tendencies in ourselves so that we can stop overwhelm from becoming a constant companion.
Be sure to join the Let It Be Facebook group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/letitbepod/) and head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke!
Taking their cue from a listener question this week, Brooke and Kel discuss how to remain positive without becoming a Pollyanna.
Recently, a listener asked a question in the Let It Be Facebook group about how to maintain a positive attitude when faced with relentless negativity:
“I’d like to hear what you’d say about staying positive and zen in the midst of high-strung coworkers and friends. People are constantly complaining about how hard it all is and it’s awkward to not agree with them. What do I talk about if I can’t complain about being too busy? How can I have more positive conversations? How can I talk about what I’m grateful for in my life without seeming like I’m bragging? I’m taking your advice but I feel like I’m in constant battle against the negative tide of all small talk.”
In this episode, Kelly and Brooke discuss their personal experiences in dealing with a resident Debbie Downer, as well as some practical strategies in dealing with negative people. They also talk about the value of therapy, learning to compartmentalise the negativity and also meditation in dealing with this kind of situation.
They also talk about the common problem of maintaining our personal positive outlook, without sounding like a Pollyanna or a braggart. Brooke’s straightforward advice: you don’t need to own their negativity and similarly, you don’t need to own their reaction to your positivity. Be you!
To celebrate the release of Brooke’s new book, today the girls go deep into the ideas of rituals, rhythms and routines.
Brooke and Kelly have very different approaches to how they structure their days – Kelly is a big fan of structured routine while Brooke embraces the more fluid idea of rhythm – but as they discover in today’s conversation, both approaches deliver them to essentially the same outcome.
They discuss the difference between a routine and a rhythm, why they’re helpful in living a more intentional life and whether there is a big difference between them or if routine/rhythm is really the same idea with a different name.
They also talk through some of their personal rituals – from the simple act of noticing nature to waking up with birdsong – and why these tiny moments form the basis of their mindfulness practices, even (or especially) on a busy day.
Links and Resources:
To celebrate the first 50 episodes of Let It Be, Brooke and Kel invited listeners to ask them anything, and there’s some cracking questions!
To celebrate 50 episodes of therapy/sanity, Brooke and Kel answer some wonderful listener questions in this week’s episode, including:
- What’s the thing you’re proudest of about yourselves that isn’t “measurable”?
- If you could have any job, what would it be?
- How do you balance your needs, aspirations and goals with your families (or other significant others?)
- How did you guys define the values and passions you always guide your life towards? What kinds of questions did you ask yourselves?
- Do you practice what you preach?
- My husband only listens to people who aren’t me, so what resources would you recommend to help him keep organised?
- I regularly practice mindfulness and its wonderful BUT I often find myself getting angry and frustrated at other people’s lack of mindfulness. Do you have any suggestions for how I could think about these situations differently?
- Do you have any tips on getting kids to listen to you?
- What is the one dream you hope to achieve this year but fear you may not?
See? A cracking bunch of questions which Kel and Brooke have a lot of fun answering.
Links and Resources:
Kelly and Brooke are back for another year of navel-gazing and deep conversations.
Brooke and Kel often talk about the importance of living a values-based life, one where they act in alignment with their priorities, but the question is often asked: how do we uncover those values in the first place?
In today’s episode, Brooke talks about the emotional exercise she used to discover her personal values, while Kelly gives a great insight into the very practical approach she uses for determining her own values.
Unsurprisingly, the approaches are quite different but the outcome is similar: having a strong understanding of core values has led both Kel and Brooke to make decisions and actions based on what’s important to them, rather than simply being a passenger in their own lives.
Links and Resources:
- 7 strange questions that help you find your life purpose – via Mark Manson:
- Eight weeks to a better brain – via the Harvard Gazette:
- Be sure to join the Let It Be Facebook group
- Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke!
In the final show for 2016, Kel and Brooke look back at what worked, what didn’t and what’s changed (turns out, it’s a lot!)
This is the final show of 2016, and considering it’s been a year for the books for both Kel and Brooke (literally!) the girls decided to take a look back at the good, the bad and the…interesting.
Kel moved in to her long-awaited dream home this year, published 2 incredible books and made some huge shifts in mindset this year, while Brooke started a business with her husband, got a two-book deal and stopped listening so much to her inner mean girl, and is reaping the benefits of that every day.
Working through a great Year in Review exercise designed by Busy Bee at www.betterthanbusy.com (you should check it out – it’s great) Kel and Brooke answer questions like:
- What worked for you this year?
- What did you enjoy doing?
- Who did you enjoy spending time with?
- What didn’t work this year?
- What didn’t add value this year?
- What do you want to spend less time on next year?
- What do you want to spend more time on next year?
The answers are super interesting and highlight just how much both Brooke and Kely have changed this year. And begs the question – what’s in store for 2017?
Kel is a self-confessed control freak while Brooke is far less control-oriented these days, so this is a super interesting conversation about the pros and cons of maintaining control.
Now, this is an interesting episode. Again, inspired by a question from one of the Let It Be members in the Facebook group, Kelly and Brooke this week look at the topic of control. Specifically, when is a desire for control helpful and when does it become a burden?
Kelly and Brooke come at the control issue from very different places, as Kelly freely admits she’s a control freak (to a certain extent, anyway) who feels more at ease and more productive when she’s in control of her physical surroundings.
Brooke, on the other hand, used to cling to the idea of control as a way of dealing with her anxiety and depression, but over the past couple of years has really learnt to let go and find freedom in not being in control at all.
It’s fascinating to hear the different points of view on control and its impact, but super interestingly, both Brooke and Kel agree that there’s a big difference between controlling our environment and controlling Life (and people) and that this is often where the tension of control lies.