Kelly and Brooke are back for another year of navel-gazing and deep conversations.
Brooke and Kel often talk about the importance of living a values-based life, one where they act in alignment with their priorities, but the question is often asked: how do we uncover those values in the first place?
In today’s episode, Brooke talks about the emotional exercise she used to discover her personal values, while Kelly gives a great insight into the very practical approach she uses for determining her own values.
Unsurprisingly, the approaches are quite different but the outcome is similar: having a strong understanding of core values has led both Kel and Brooke to make decisions and actions based on what’s important to them, rather than simply being a passenger in their own lives.
Links and Resources:
- 7 strange questions that help you find your life purpose – via Mark Manson:
- Eight weeks to a better brain – via the Harvard Gazette:
- Be sure to join the Let It Be Facebook group
- Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke!
In the final show for 2016, Kel and Brooke look back at what worked, what didn’t and what’s changed (turns out, it’s a lot!)
This is the final show of 2016, and considering it’s been a year for the books for both Kel and Brooke (literally!) the girls decided to take a look back at the good, the bad and the…interesting.
Kel moved in to her long-awaited dream home this year, published 2 incredible books and made some huge shifts in mindset this year, while Brooke started a business with her husband, got a two-book deal and stopped listening so much to her inner mean girl, and is reaping the benefits of that every day.
Working through a great Year in Review exercise designed by Busy Bee at www.betterthanbusy.com (you should check it out – it’s great) Kel and Brooke answer questions like:
- What worked for you this year?
- What did you enjoy doing?
- Who did you enjoy spending time with?
- What didn’t work this year?
- What didn’t add value this year?
- What do you want to spend less time on next year?
- What do you want to spend more time on next year?
The answers are super interesting and highlight just how much both Brooke and Kely have changed this year. And begs the question – what’s in store for 2017?
Kel is a self-confessed control freak while Brooke is far less control-oriented these days, so this is a super interesting conversation about the pros and cons of maintaining control.
Now, this is an interesting episode. Again, inspired by a question from one of the Let It Be members in the Facebook group, Kelly and Brooke this week look at the topic of control. Specifically, when is a desire for control helpful and when does it become a burden?
Kelly and Brooke come at the control issue from very different places, as Kelly freely admits she’s a control freak (to a certain extent, anyway) who feels more at ease and more productive when she’s in control of her physical surroundings.
Brooke, on the other hand, used to cling to the idea of control as a way of dealing with her anxiety and depression, but over the past couple of years has really learnt to let go and find freedom in not being in control at all.
It’s fascinating to hear the different points of view on control and its impact, but super interestingly, both Brooke and Kel agree that there’s a big difference between controlling our environment and controlling Life (and people) and that this is often where the tension of control lies.
Is there a good use for FOMO? And what the heck is JOMO? Brooke and Kel discuss.
This week Kelly and Brooke talk about something that’s come up a few times in the Let it Be group on Facebook – the topic of FOMO – the fear of missing out.
Not really one for FOMO Brooke talks about the reasons she used to fear missing out and the fact that most of it was related to her self-esteem. As that’s improved, she’s discovered she no longer really cares about missing out, and only uses FOMO to motivate her when she’s been in a bit of a rut. JOMO, on the other hand, is something she embraces wholeheartedly!
Kelly similarly has discovered that the more she recognises her choices in life, the less she fears missing out on things. It’s that realisation of choice and agency that can form the antidote to excessive FOMO, and that’s something both Brooke and Kel discuss in this episode.
Kel and Brooke answer a listener question this week about what we can do to get to our a-ha moments sooner.
In today’s episode Brooke and Kel answer a great question submitted via the Let it Be group on Facebook. Glenda wanted to know if Brooke and Kelly had any thoughts about how to arrive at a realisation or lightbulb moment more quickly.
As practised navel-gazers, this one is right up Brooke and Kel’s alley, and they have a really interesting conversation about why we can take as long as we do to come to some realisations, and, conversely, why other times we can arrive there in no time at all.
They also talk about the necessity of going through a process in order to learn what needs learning, and the benefit of coming out the other side of that, which is, the next time we need to tap into that knowledge or self-awareness, it won’t take us nearly as long to arrive.
One of the key parts of the conversation is also about backsliding – why it happens, what we can do to avoid it, and how going through the learning is our greatest tool in arresting the backslide before it gets up too much momentum.
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In today’s episode, Brooke and Kel tackle another listener question about community.
Carla asks: “I’m interested in your views on community… especially since you’re both introverts. How do you overcome your introversion and shyness and feel part of a community IRL? What defines a community for you?”
Both Kel and Brooke talk about the importance of community a lot, but both struggle with the people-heavy nature of what that actually looks like, so in today’s show they discuss why it’s worthwhile, but also how they both manage to involve themselves in various communities without burning out.
It leads to an interesting conversation about what actually constitutes a community, and whether that’s different from a ‘tribe’, as well as practical strategies for dealing with the inevitable small, awkward talk that can come from meeting new people.
Brooke also talks about the fact that you won’t necessarily have a great deal in common with those in some of your communities, and how realising and accepting that can help take some of the pressure off.
This is a great episode for anyone who struggles to get involved, or doesn’t want community-mindedness to take over their lives, as well as anyone who’s suffered through multiple conversations about the weather. (It’s OK. We’ve all been there!)
What is enough? How is it defined? Why is it defined that way? This is an eye-opening conversation between Brooke and Kelly that proves equally surprising to both of them.
Kelly and Brooke came into this conversation with totally different ideas on the direction it would take – Kelly initially assuming they’d talk about ‘enough’ in terms of money, and Brooke assuming the conversation would centre on ‘enough’ in terms of self.
Never ones to shy away from differing points of view though, this episode sees Kel and Brooke go deep into both ideas of enough-ness, despite the fact that money makes Brooke feel incredibly un-comfortable and brutally aware of the privilege of even having that conversation.
When the conversation turns to enough-ness of self, and how we can learn to embrace it, Brooke realises she’s changed a lot since recording the infamous Inner Mean Girl episode earlier this year!
Can guilt ever be a good thing? Kelly and Brooke talk about their own experiences with guilt and where it’s had a positive impact on their lives.
In this episode, Brooke and Kel tackle a listener question about guilt. Tara specifically wants to know how to deal with the different types of guilt she experiences: comparison, shoulds, deserving and the guilt of happiness.
Not only do they work through each of their experiences with guilt (and for two non-Catholics, they sure do have a lot of it!) but also different strategies for dealing with each type of guilt.
Brooke also uses pop culture references (Daredevil for the win!) to work through her thoughts on the usefulness of guilt and why it can sometimes be a good thing. Her and Kel talk about listening to that pang of guilt and using it to focus our attention on the places it needs to be.
While Kel goes to great lengths to avoid ‘bad’ feelings, this idea of using guilt as a guide rather than a nasty thing to be avoided opens up a great discussion on using those negative feelings to drive self-improvement and live more intentionally.
Gratitude – is it a trite attempt to be a Pollyanna in life? Or a way of recognising the good things and celebrate the tiny beauties? Kelly and Brooke differ a lot in this episode.
Kelly has never hidden the fact that she has a complicated relationship with gratitude, as for her, it ties so closely to privilege and ‘first world problems’ . Brooke, on the other hand, is a big fan practising gratitude and credits it with helping her overcome some of the lowest moments over the past few years.
Today they talk about why gratitude can so quickly become a guilt-laden exercise (I’m so lucky and others are not) and one that works against itself, as well as offering some practical ways of incorporating more gratitude into your day without slipping into Pollyanna Mode.
Kel also comes to realise the core of some of her discomfort with gratitude, and how that can impact her ability to fully feel her emotions (the good and the bad). Kel and Brooke also talk about how to install gratitude (but not guilt) into their kids.
Kelly and Brooke discuss the idea of avoidance this week, after reading Mark Manson’s newest book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F…’
Kelly has recently finished reading Mark Manson’s new book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*** and was struck hard by what he calls Manson’s Law of Avoidance.
So aside from the fact that Kel now wants to discover and name a law of something (Exeter’s Law of Providing Value in Conversation has a nice ring to it?) the law itself really struck a chord.
Manson explains that, “The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid doing it.”
“That means that the more something threatens to change how you view yourself, how you believe yourself to be, the more you will procrastinate ever getting around to doing it.”
Given recent episodes where Kelly and Brooke have discussed change and assumptions and the pain involved in shifting our habits, this is an awesome topic to dive deep into. Not surprisingly, they come at it from very different places.
Kelly from a place of personal improvement and Brooke from a place of fear. What neither of them really expected though was for it to be so uncomfortable, and to delve into the idea of not being universally liked.